Kaliptionary: baster

May 5, 2007

Move over Stephen Colbert. van Kalip is back. And he is looking to get himself declared as the Greatest Living Dutchman!

Now what has Colbert achieved that I haven’t? A cable news show? A place on Time Magazine’s annual 100 list? Emmy awards? Thousands of loyal fans? I may not have all these. But I can do the one thing that Colbert is most famous for – coining new words, or at least taking credit for them. Which brings me to my new feature, the kaliptionary. Each post will tackle a new word that has either been created by me or is used frequently in the van Kalip universe. Starting off with…

baster (n): a person who has no aukaad and tries to do things with ‘parents jugaar’ and if suraj (cf Suraj Prakash) wishes that the said person screws up in gre, gets suppli and suicides, it happens.
corrupted form of bastard

I simply cannot take credit for concocting this brilliant word. That honour goes to Mr Suraj Prakash who in a masterful hate-mail addressed to Sensei Sri-Ram intentionally misspelt the word bastard to give it so many layers of meaning and philosophical relevance that its consequences are yet to be properly understood. The junta in IIT Roorke embraced the word much like Mallus took to kalip, leaving old-fashioned bastard obsolete and antiquated. So popular is it now that there are orkut communities dedicated to it, rounds of quizzes named for it and most importantly, it is used without discrimination or reservation.

When properly examined, it can be observed that baster has three levels of meaning. In the first superficial interpretation, it is used as a common social title. No malice is intended in the use. One of the main reasons for the soaring popularity of this word is the fact that it has proven to be a much-needed pronoun for North-Indians. Andhra guys have their ras and Madrasis have their das, and all this while the Northies were feeling left out. Not any more.

Sometimes the word baster is used in such a manner that for all outward appearances it seems to belong to the first category, but deep inside the user has strong feelings of animosity towards the addressee. This is noticed in the case of certain pseud individuals.

And lastly the third kind, where the usage is nothing short of a declaration of hardly concealed loathing and pity. You might as well have called the other person a bastard. Only, you have the word baster on your clipboard and it is easier to use Ctrl-V than to type in bastard. People who have been subjected to such treatment include the asshole Arijit Sen.

And so in the future if I do decide to post more, don’t be surprised to find me using this word often. Basters who still don’t get it, can contact me personally…NOT!


5 Responses to “Kaliptionary: baster”

  1. VDG Says:

    Classy post ^_^
    Of course we know that the biggest baster is not mentioned in your.

    You forget that baster also rhymes with all the other bad words in english. So its useful in good poetry.

  2. The Piker Says:

    Hmm… nice to see you back. Hope you post regularly. Btw, what would you call a baster if he was in Asterix?

    Answer- Basterix. Muhahahaaha!!!

    Anyway never compare yourself with Colbert. He is God level. There’s too much truthiness about him.

    And yeah, mind changing my link on the sidebar?

  3. @ VDG

    Useful in good poetry?? 😀

    @ Piker

    Me hopes so too… Colbert is one of my new heroes. And I have changed the link to your blog.

  4. VDG Says:

    change mine too.

  5. Lefty Says:

    Baster! Nice post.

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