Government wants protection for Mallu Porn through Geographical Indications status

The Government of Kerala today announced that it plans to protect pornographic movies originating from the state by granting it Geographical Indication status. Kerala is world renowned for its pornographic films that are popularly known as Mallu Porn. Protection under the Geographical Indications of Goods Act 1999 will ensure that movies from other regions will not be able to be allowed to make use of the term Mallu.

The decision was announced by the Chief Minister at a special press conference jointly organised with the Academy of Mallu Porn Arts and Sciences (AMPAS), popularly known as just the Academy. Applauding the government’s decision, Academy secretary Mr Saagar Kottapuram said that he was very pleased by the government’s decision to stand by them in such tough times. He said, “Through our hard work and creativity, we had built up a very good brand image for Mallu Porn. But now we have every Tom, Dick and Harry exploiting this image by labelling their movies of shady origin as Mallu. Not only are they eating into our revenues, but they are also severely affecting the perception of our brand. I mean, have you seen the kind of actresses that they use? They look like they are 25 years old or younger! People who watch these fake movies are then hooked to these inferior quality movies and never return to Mallu Porn.”

The CM said that the state’s financial resources were under severe strain due to the recession and falling remittances from the Gulf. “GIs not only act as authenticity or quality marks, but also provide for proper registration and taxation procedures. We estimate that the move will bring in additional revenues of Rs 100 crores, while providing a boost to the Mallu Porn industry which has been in the doldrums recently. I think we made a mistake in our Look East policy by trying to emulate the China model. We should have realised that the Thai model was better suited to our economy.”

The culture minister, who was also present at the press conference, said that the decision was taken after due consideration of all the potential fallouts. The government was aware of concerns raised about Kerala’s image and reputation, he said. “We had commissioned a detailed study by the Bhatinda Consulting Group to understand the key issues and give their recommendations. What we found out was that our state’s reputation was already damaged beyond repair by the Mallu Porn industry. People across the country associated the term Mallu with high quality porn. Given this situation, the best option for us was to embrace this and try to make the best out of our reputation. Major rebranding exercises are already underway and the Tourism department will soon launch their new tagline, God’s Porn Country”, said the Minister.

The move has been welcomed by citizens across the country. Connoisseurs of Mallu Porn now feel that if the status is properly implemented, they will no longer have to settle for generic porn movies after searching for Mallu Porn on torrents or DC++. They feel that such a move was long overdue. But perhaps, no bigger group of people have been made happier by this step than the expatriate Malayali community. Said Vijayan, a 24 year old taxi driver from Dubai, “We hope that this will pave the way for the release of such classic movies as ‘Kinnarathumbikal’ on DVD. For those of us who grew up on Surya TV in the golden age of Mallu Porn, what passes for porn these days is an affront to our culture and tastes.”